i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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