I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
