Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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