my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
