Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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