I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
