I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
