he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
