so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
