Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
