I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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