Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
