apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
