so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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