Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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