I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
