What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Welp...herpes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
