One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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