He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
