so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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