I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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