Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
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I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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