Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
