Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
