The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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