ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
