They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
