I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just gift wrapped bread.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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