I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
