he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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