Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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