Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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