big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
