We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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