So drunk its hurt
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
