Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
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you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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