i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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