Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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