I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
