My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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