i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
