After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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