i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Damn victory sex feels great
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
