The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
