i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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