try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
