It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
