drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
