Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
