he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
