I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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