I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize