I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
