did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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