Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
