He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
