you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
