His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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