I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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