Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
