to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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