On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
