Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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