I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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