Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
