she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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