before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
