i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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