this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
